Navigating People-Pleasing in Therapy

Do you tend to go to great lengths to make others happy? Does this often affect your well-being? If so, you might be prone to the behavior pattern of people-pleasing.

People-pleasing can be driven by a deep desire for acceptance and approval of others. It is important to notice how it may present itself in therapy because it can impact both the effectiveness of your sessions and the relationship you have with your therapist. Understanding how it can show up can allow both clients and therapists to have an authentic and effective relationship.

In therapy, people-pleasing can manifest as:

Overagreeing

The client constantly agrees with the therapist's suggestions or insights, even if they have concerns or disagree. 

Avoiding Difficult Topics

The client may steer conversations away from challenging or uncomfortable topics to avoid distress or displeasing the therapist. They may also minimize issues to maintain a positive connection.

Minimizing Personal Needs

The client might prioritize others’ problems during the session and downplay their own needs.

Struggling with Assertiveness

The client may struggle with asserting their own opinions or needs. They may defer to the therapist and/or avoid making decisions.

Displaying Guilt or Shame

The client can appear guilty or shameful when discussing their needs or desires due to feeling selfish.

These people-pleasing behaviors can significantly hinder the therapeutic relationship and the effectiveness of therapy. When these patterns are engaged in, they may:

Create Barriers to Authenticity

People-pleasing can hinder genuine communication, making it difficult for clients to share their true thoughts and feelings.

Delay Addressing Core Issues

By avoiding uncomfortable topics and minimizing their own needs, clients may delay confronting underlying issues that require attention.

Limit Effective Treatment

The inability to express genuine concerns can prevent the therapist from providing the most suitable interventions or support.

Increase Stress and Anxiety

The pressure to please the therapist can lead to unnecessary stress, exacerbating existing issues or creating new ones.

To address these challenges, it is essential to establish a trusting and safe therapeutic relationship where clients feel comfortable sharing their authentic thoughts and feelings. Some strategies your therapist might use to combat people-pleasing tendencies include:

Building Trust

The therapist should create an open, non-judgmental environment that encourages clients to express themselves freely.

Periodically Checking In

Therapists can regularly check in on how clients feel about the therapeutic process, ensuring their needs are being met and allowing for adjustments when necessary.

Encouraging Honest Dialogue

Clients should be encouraged to share their true feelings, even if they involve disagreement or discomfort. This fosters a deeper therapeutic relationship.

Collaborative Problem Solving

When issues arise, the therapist and client can work together to brainstorm solutions, empowering the client and fostering a sense of agency.

Practicing Assertiveness

Therapists can help clients develop assertiveness skills through role-playing and exercises that encourage them to express their needs and opinions.

By recognizing and addressing people-pleasing behaviors, both clients and therapists can work toward a more effective and authentic therapeutic relationship, ultimately leading to more meaningful progress in therapy.