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What The Ultimatum: Queer Love Gets Wrong About Love, Ultimatums, and Grown-Ass Consequences: A Therapist’s Take
In reality TV land, an ultimatum makes for great drama: “Commit to me or lose me.” But in actual queer relationships, where vulnerability, identity, and power dynamics already run deep, ultimatums don’t work the way we wish they would.

Marley Toben
Jul 104 min read


Your Walls Don’t Keep You Safe — They Keep You Alone
Today, I want to get into the difference between emotional expression and emotional attack — and why learning the difference is the key to actually getting more of what you want out of your relationship (instead of slowly poisoning it because your sadness is wearing a bulletproof vest and your anger is wielding a knife).

Marley Toben
May 54 min read


Acceptance vs. Surrender: The Ultimate Showdown
Healing happens in the presence of emotionally responsive and caring relationships. Reclaim your time, your energy, and your sense of self.

Marley Toben
Mar 114 min read


Family (Hog) Ties: When Dysfunction Holds You Hostage
Choosing yourself in the face of dysfunction isn’t just self-preservation; it’s an act of quiet rebellion against a system that demanded you

Marley Toben
Jan 233 min read


A Look Behind the Curtain
I often start sessions by saying to my clients, "so tell me about you, what's been going on?" As I start this blog post, I find myself...

Marley Toben
Apr 20, 20233 min read
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