In reality TV land, an ultimatum makes for great drama: “Commit to me or lose me.” But in actual queer relationships, where vulnerability, identity, and power dynamics already run deep, ultimatums don’t work the way we wish they would.

Today, I want to get into the difference between emotional expression and emotional attack — and why learning the difference is the key to actually getting more of what you want out of your relationship (instead of slowly poisoning it because your sadness is wearing a bulletproof vest and your anger is wielding a knife).

Healing happens in the presence of emotionally responsive and caring relationships. Reclaim your time, your energy, and your sense of self.