And I was like, why are they so obsessed with us?

Why does it feel like everyone’s daily discourse revolves around trans people? There is endless speculation about what trans people might do to others and constant discussion of our bodies. And yet, no one seems to care about our experiences and how we actually show up in the world. It’s exhausting to have your identity constantly analyzed and dissected to serve whatever current political agenda is being pushed at the moment. 

Part of my life’s mission is to stick a middle finger up at all of the transphobes and show them my unwavering narrative. When I started my transition, it was soul-crushing to be visibly trans. It made me feel like the discomfort that I felt was my problem because I brought it upon myself. I know now that my discomfort was a result of a societal stigma toward trans people. 

Part of the reason why people are obsessed with us is that they view our gender presentation as a performance or costume. Gender is a social construct. We learn how to perform gender from the people around us–whether that is from our parents, siblings, or strangers. To the outside world, being trans is viewed as a defiant subversion of the roles assigned to us since birth. We are conditioned to perform one version of gender, yet we choose to show up as our true selves instead.

Being trans is like being a walking mirror. We show others the parts of themselves that they are hiding or are uncomfortable with. This reflective nature is scary for people. It’s part of the reason it’s so scary to be trans in the first place.

When I refer to trans people revealing a reflection back to cis people, I don’t mean everyone is trans. Trans people reveal a version of life that they can’t imagine.   We’re not respected or protected because we represent an experience that isn’t bound by others. As trans people, we build a life that doesn’t serve others. This scares cis people because it makes them question their existence and purpose. 

Transphobia definitionally refers to a fear of trans people. But, I’d argue that the fear that people are experiencing is a fear of themselves breaking from societal norms. Who will support them if they refuse to conform? This is how transphobia affects all of us: cis, trans, or non-binary. No one is free until we are all free. Our transcestors have been saying this for eternity.

As I embark on this journey of being a trans femme clinician, my transness won’t be something to hide. I have so many trans and queer t-shirts, trans and queer media to recommend, and trans and queer herstory to share. Being trans is not my whole identity, but you can be sure it’s not a sin to be trans or queer in my office. My existing as an unapologetic trans person is how I chose to show up, but my intention is not about setting an example for how to be trans, but rather showing trans existence in my most authentic form. 

I started my transition over a decade ago, and being trans has not gotten easier. However, it’s gotten easier to love myself, stand up for myself, and show up for other trans people. How I navigate this world as a black trans femme is simple. I don’t put an “I’m trans” sticker on my forehead, but I show up with my “Protect The Dolls” or “Protect Trans Youth” shirt at every function (including Costco). This is my way of saying I’m trans, and what? 

There’s no requirement to match my level of visible resistance; prioritize your safety and find your own rhythm of self-expression. Evict those transphobes from your headspace and let them wallow in their own preoccupation. Your presence as a living subversion of their norms carries a weight you might not even realize. Our transcestors didn't risk everything for us to live in a state of sorrow or compliance.